Top 10 Movie Villians of All Time

Ah, the bad guys--a film just isn’t as complete unless there is at least one person to root against. But an all-time best list of baddies isn’t as easy to come up. You have to weed out the crazies (Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction), the inhuman monsters (Michael Myers in Halloween), the misunderstood (Rutger Hauer in Blade Runner)--and yes, even the plethora of animated evilness--and truly enter the Heart of Darkness. Here’s our top 10 list of the purely evil: 

10. The Joker (Heath Ledger), The Dark Knight OK, to be fair, Ledger’s totally creepy, absolutely mesmerizing performance as Batman’s nemesis The Joker, the ultimate anarchist, should probably rank higher on this list, but it’s still so fresh in our minds, it needs to settle a bit with time. Check back next year. 
Most Villainous Line: “Do you wanna know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can't savor all the...little..emotions. And..you see..in their last moments...people show you who they really are. So, in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which one of them were cowards?”

9. Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman), Die Hard 
Rickman's Hans is our choice for the most diabolical two-bit criminal. He’s really only in it for the money, all $600 million of it, but he does rather enjoy tormenting his captors--until he comes across big, bad John McClane. Guess Hans didn’t figure on “Mr. Cowboy.” 
Most Villainous Line: “When they land we blow up the roof, they spend a month sifting through rubble, and by the time they work out what went wrong, we'll be sitting on a beach, earning 20 percent.” 


8. Stansfield (Gary Oldman), The Professional Technically, Stansfield is tad more on the psychotic side (see above criteria), but it’s the way Oldman plays the corrupted cop that chills us--from sniffing whatever that stuff he carries around with him up his nose, to his obsession with Beethoven, to shooting a little boy. He’s actually pretty sane when it comes to his mayhem. Shiver. 
Most Villainous Line: “It's always the same thing. It's when you start to become really afraid of death that you learn to appreciate life. Do you like life, sweetheart?”


7. Dr. Evil (Mike Myers), Austin Powers Series
Come on, he’s got “evil” in his name! You’ve got to include Dr. Evil, even if he isn’t nearly as terrifying as he’d like you to think he is. Being that he was has been partially frozen for 30 years, throw him a friggin’ bone, will ya? 
Most Villainous Line: “Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to my underground Lair. I have gathered here before me the world's deadliest assassins, and yet, each of you has failed to kill Austin Powers. That makes me angry, and when Dr. Evil get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, and when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset people DIE!”


6. Wicked Witch of the West (Margaret Hamilton), The Wizard of Oz 
[Cue the Witch’s theme song] Remembering the first time you saw The Wizard of Oz, it’s that image of the Wicked Witch’s green pointy face you can’t get out of your head--cackling at her crystal ball while her minion of flying monkeys stood by, waiting for her command (the character’s redemption in the musical Wicked doesn’t count, by the way). 
Most Villainous Line: “The last to go will see the first three go before her. And her little dog, too.” 



5. Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes), Harry Potter SeriesFiennes has played a few evil men in his acting career (his Nazi colonel in Schindler's List almost made the cut), but it’s his He Who Should Not Be Named, the Dark Lord--or as I like to call him, ole Snake Face--who really stands out as the best of the baddies. 
Most Villainous Line: “Astounding what a few drops of your blood will do, eh, Harry?”



4. Anton Chigurh (Javier Bardem), No Country for Old Men Perhaps we thought we’d seen every kind of assassin there was--boy, were we wrong! Bardem’s Oscar-winning performance as the cold-blooded Anton, whose single-minded determination to follow through on every job to its very end, is bone-chilling. Made even more so when he occasionally gives his victim’s a 50-50 chance by the flip of a coin. 
Most Villainous Line: “Call it.” 


3. Nurse Ratched (Louise Fletcher), One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest 
In those horrifying visions of a psycho nurse coming at you with a large hypothermic needle, the name that comes to mind is Nurse Ratched. Fletcher’s portrayal isn’t so much maniacal as it is sadistic as she thoroughly gets off on keeping her mental patients right there next to her, crazy as ever.
Most Villainous Line: “You know Billy, what worries me is how your mother is going to take this.” 



2. Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins), Silence of the Lambs 
Nothing can top Hopkins’ Hannibal. OK, maybe one villain can top him (click to the next page), but as far as cannibalistic serial killers are concerned, Lecter takes the cake. Bet you can’t say Chianti and fava beans the same way. 
Most Villainous Line: “I do wish we could chat longer, but... I'm having an old friend for dinner.”



1. Darth Vader (James Earl Jones), Star Wars Series
And our No. 1? Yes, it’s Lord Vader. He personifies all that is dark and evil in The Force. When you see how he gets to be the way he is, you have to empathize, just a little--and of course, his salvation at the end is sweet. But honestly, folks, it’s hard to forgive all the other mean stuff he did. 
Most Villainous Line: “I find your lack of faith disturbing.” 

Top 10 Character Of Mortal Kombat

10

10. Jax

Jackson "Jax" Briggs first made his debut in Mortal Kombat II, but it wasn't until Mortal Kombat 3 that he started sporting his iconic bionic arms. In Mortal Kombat II, this Special Forces badass rescued Sonya from the Outworld and was able to single-handedly bringKano into custody. When he learned of Kahn's plans to invade Earthrealm in MK3, he ordered a pair of bionic implants for his arms that gave his punches an extra boost of pain. Together with Sonya, he later went on to form the Outer World Investigation Agency in an effort to make sure incidents such as Kahn's plan to conquer earth never happen again.

9

Kitana

Princess Katana is over 10,000 years old, yet she can still somehow go toe-to-toe with the best of 'em in battle -- and look really hot while doing it. She and her mommy, Sindel, should be on every Hot Females in Videogames list. On top of all that, we have never seen a more badass usage of fans in a video game. Are fans really this handy in battle? Perhaps if they're made of metal and have knives sticking out of them, they would be.

8	Sonya Blade

Just as John Tobias and Ed Boon were getting ready to release the first Mortal Kombat, they came to a somewhat shocking realization – there were absolutely no female characters in the entire game! Early beta testers complained of the lack of a lady to kick ass with, so the boys removed perpetual loser, Kurtis Stryker -- who would eventually make his debut in Mortal Kombat 3 -- and replaced him with the hot, butch Sonya Blade, a Special Forces soldier inspired by actress Cynthia Rothrock. Sonya is another one of the franchise's mainstays, appearing in almost every game, but unlike some of the other characters, her appearance and moveset have changed dramatically, from her original green spandex outfit to the military fatigues and exposed midriff look she sports today.

7

Baraka

A member of the mutant race called the Tarkatan, Baraka is known in Mortal Kombat for the deadly blades that protrude from his forearms (which prove to be formidable weapon used in many of his attacks). And these brutal things aren't just good in close quarters. Scraping them together shoots out a deadly spark of energy, a fantastic ranged weapon. Baraka debuted in Mortal Kombat II as one of Shao Kahn's minions. The Tarkatan's famous fatalities include decaptiation and using his blades to make Shish kebabs of his opponents' heads. In a recent live action video, Baraka was depicted as a pent up surgeon who put himself under the knife.

6

Reptile

The original hidden character, the green-skinned Reptile, made his debut as a simple reskinned Sub-Zero in Mortal Kombat I, but the sheer amount of work necessary to face and unlock him (perform a double flawless victory with fatality just as the shadow passes over the moon in the Pit stage) made him an arcade legend. The fact that Boon and Tobias included a hidden fighter that only the most hardcore would ever see helped promulgate the world of Mortal Kombat as one where other secrets and surprises lurked around every corner, ready to be revealed at the drop of a quarter. He returned as a playable character in the second game, with a pile of interesting special moves that combined the best ofScorpion and Sub-Zero. Future games would feature even more hidden enemies and complicated ways of accessing them, but the first was still the best.

5

Kung Lao

Kung Lao first appeared in Mortal Kombat II as the last descendant of the Great Kung Lao. Although he is a pacifist of the Earthrealm, he has no qualms about slicing your head off with his hat if you should provoke him. According to co-creator John Tobias, he was inspired by Goldeneye villian Oddjob.

4

Raiden

One of the grand old men of the Mortal Kombat world, Raiden has electrified every game but one – the abysmal PS1 spin-off, Mortal Kombat: Special Forces. The thunder god of Japanese mythology is cast in the Kombat universe as the protector of Earthrealm, recruiting a team of defenders to battle against the demonic invasion of Shao Kahn's hordes game after game. Raiden is most notable for his Chinese coolie hat and tendency to utter bizarre phrases during special moves – voice actor John Hey revealed in an interview that Raiden's language isn't Japanese, or even Chinese, but rather made-up nonsense sounds. His special moves have remained constant throughout the series – lightning bolts, teleports, and the extremely abusable Torpedo. Played by legendary actors Christopher Lambert and James Remar in the pair of MK movies, Raiden is one of the iconic characters of the franchise, and we only wish we could get Mortal Kombat Vs. Marvel to see him go toe-to-toe with Thor.

3

Sub-Zero

If there's one character design that screams Mortal Kombat, it's the masked ninja. Daniel Pesina, one actor clad in an iconic costume received multiple palette swaps to be recolored and repurposed as Ermac, Smoke, Scorpion, Reptile – the list goes on and on. But we all know that Sub Zero came first. The blue-clad Chinese ninja warrior with a heart so cold made his debut in the first game and is the only character to be playable in every single installment of the series. A secret operative for the Lin Kuei clan, Sub-Zero's people are descended from Cryomancers, demons who could wield the power of cold for various effects. One thing that's lost in the mythos of the games is that Sub-Zero was actually two different people – in the first Mortal Kombat, he was killed by Scorpion and replaced in the following games by his younger brother, who took up the frosty mantle. But nobody stays dead for long in MK, so look for Sub-Zero elder to show up later on this list... as someone else.

2

Scorpion

"Get over here!" That battle cry is recognizable by anyone who has stepped into an arcade at any point in the past 15 years. It is the special move sound of the evil zombie ninja Scorpion, who proves that tough guys do indeed wear banana yellow. Formerly a human ninja, Scorpion faced Sub-Zero in a battle over some mysterious map and was eventually decapitated by the icy warrior. But death is just the beginning in Mortal Kombat, and Scorpion was resurrected as a revenant with a bad attitude, capable of teleporting and throwing brutal grappling hooks. Out for revenge, he killed Sub-Zero at the end of the first Mortal Kombat tournament before returning to the Otherworld. But that wasn't the end of Scorpion, as he's returned in almost every other MK game since, with meaner moves and more attitude. His signature Fatality -- the one where he removes his mask and immolates his foes with fiery breath -- is one of our all-time faves.

1

Liu Kang

Known as the champion of the Mortal Kombat tournament, Liu Kang has to be on this list somewhere. Fighting vigorously to defeat Shang Tsung since the original Mortal Kombat(and beating him a few times since), he is known for his speed and power. He has used many fatalities over the years, including throwing fireballs at his opponents as well as possessing them and then ripping their heads off. Fun fact: In the original game, Liu Kang's fatality was the only one that didn't depict the killing of an opponent. Rather, he resorted to uppercuts and butterfly kicks. Since then, though, he's more than made up for it.

Top 10 Marvel Superheroes

 

Bio - His daddy was a big anti-mutant dude, so when Warren developed wings like a bird good 'ol dad jumped right in to "cure" his son. However Warren had a change of heart and refused the "medicine". Long story short, Wally left daddy for a team of crime-fighting mutants. Eventually becoming the horsemen Death under Apocalypse, and later unbecoming Death by leaving Apocalypse for the X-men again as Angel, then returning as Archangel, then becoming a new Apocalypse, then joining the X-men again. Wally has peak human strength, speed and stamina, an accelerated healing factor, can fly with his wings, and later gains powers including energy blasts, "essence reading", energy constructs, and raising the dead. He excels at hand-to-hand combat (especially airborne) and fencing. He has a weakness for beautiful women.

No. 9 - Carnage (Spiderman)

 

Bio- Cletus Cassidy, a psychopathic murderer, while imprisoned in a cell next to Eddie Brock (Venom) hadacquired a piece of Eddie's symbiote and became Carnage. His love for killing now aided with a power similar to Venom's. Carnage has many abilities including (but not limited to) clinging to walls, "webbing", creating tentacle-like appendages and transforming parts of his body into various blades such as axes swords and the like. Carnage can detach these weapons at will allowing him to launch projectiles or simply pop a sword out of his body. These manifestations only last for about 30 seconds while removed from Carnage's body. Thesymbiote also grants him superhuman strength, speed, stamina, agility, reflexes, durability and an accelerated healing factor.

No. 8! - Thor (The Avengers... I think)

 

Bio- Born of Odin and Gaea Thor has abilities surpassing even the Asgardians, including god-like strength, speed, stamina, durability, the ability to alter ones memories, the ability to transcend dimensions and energy manipulation as well as having control over weather and even Earth itself. His vast strength comes from not only his heritage but he also wields Mjolnir granting him even more power, and he wears Megingjord, a magical belt that doubles his natural abilities.

No. 7! - Cable (X-men)

 

Bio- Nathan Summers, the son of Scott Summers (Cyclops) and Madelyn Pryor (Goblin queen) was born as part of Mr. Sinister's plan to kill Apocalypse. Nathan's powers and abilities include, various forms of telepathy (Mind reading, telepathic illusion, mind control, mind trap, mind transfer, mind possession, mental amnesia, astral projection, etc.) various forms of psyionic abilities including psyionic shields, and psyioinc blasts, and various forms of telekinesis (force fields, matter alteration, intuitive aptitude, psyionic spikes, concussive blasts and telekinetic flight, etc.)  as well as teleportation. He's an expert in both armed and unarmed combat.

No. 6! - Hulk (The incredible Hulk)

Bio- Everyone knows the Hulk, created from an experiment with gamma radiation yadda-yadda. SMASH! Who cares?! We wanna wreck stuff! Notorious for his monstrous power and anger the Hulk's power knows only the bounds of his rage. Becoming infinitely powerful as he get's mad, and he get's pretty mad. Fighting gods like Thor on equal footing and even surviving the end of the world The Hulk is almost always the last man standing. While he doesn't have the many powers that other heroes and villains have you gotta love the green machine.

No. 5! - Spiderman (The "Amazing" Spiderman)

 

Bio- Don't field trips suck? Peter Parker got a bite from a freak spider and gained spider powers and somehow along with them the power to attract the sexiest women on the planet. On second thought, maybe I should go on more field trips. Spiderman's abilities are well known: Wall crawling, spider sense etc. His strength, speed, stamina, agility, durability, flexibility etc. Are also enhanced and he's an excellent hand-to-hand combatant. The Web-head lives on as one of the most popular heroes of all time, and for good reason.

No. 4! - Magneto (X-men)

 

Bio- The original nemesis of the X-men, Max Eisenhardt is among my top 5 due to his SHEER BADA$$ERY!! The master of magnetism has stood among my favorites since I was a child. Magneto commands magnetism allowing him to manipulate even organic metals at the atomic level and bond metals to any designated surface material including water and air. He can generate force fields capable of withstanding nuclear weapons. He can fly using his control of magnetism. And is just plain awesome.

No. 3!! - Dormmamu (Dr. Strange)

       
 

Bio- The conqueror of not one but many dimensions. Dormammu's power is greater even than that of the Elder gods. Dormammu's powers include matter transfiguration, some of the most powerful magic, limitless astral projection, transformation, elemental control, flight, time travel, energy projection, Resurrection and more. His only weakness is quite a hindrance: His powers are significantly diminished while in dimensions other than his own, causing him to rely on servants that he enlists inside the dimension he's currently trying to invade.Dormammu has earned himself a spot in my top 3 because he's just such a darn good villain.

No. 2!!! -   Captain America!     

 

Bio- Captain America has been among my favorite super heroes my entire life, his abilities include nothing more than peak human condition, expertise in armed and unarmed combat yet he stands on-par with some of the strongest heroes in Marvel comics, He's old WW2 buddies with Wolverine, he's gained respect from Thor and even The Hulk (even though arrogant douchebags like Tony Stark don't know when to back down 'cause the Cap. is always right) He's proven worthy of wielding Mjolnir granting him the powers of Thor (Although he gave it back) And he's so committed to the American dream I bet he'd probably over throw America's own government to restore that dream if he felt it necessary.

No. 1!!!! - DEADPOOL!!!!!

Bio- Wade Wilson isn't the brightest guy, not since the Weapon X project. But he sure is the funniest. That's right, my all-time fav is Deadpool for hilarity alone. He's an expert combatant armed and unarmed, and his healing factor is rivaled by few; regenerating entire limbs and even surviving getting his head knocked off. 

Top 10 Worst Video Game of All time

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1. E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial - Atari 2600

This game was so bad it actually destroyed the life of the Atari 2600. The Atari 2600 had a game where General Custer raped Indians tied to cactuses, and THAT couldn't kill the system. Here's how E.T. did it: most of the gameplay was E.T. trying to escape from scientists and jumping into pits to find parts of his telephone. Once you were in a pit, that's when the fun began. If there was no chunk of telephone in the pit, which was only the case in 97% of them, you could leave by stretching out ET's neck until he slowly, SLOWLY floated up. This was the most satisfying part of the game since it looked like an invisible monster was trying to tear his head off.

Gameplay Video: 

When you make it to the top of the pit, which if you started in 1983 should be about... NOW, you have a fraction of a second window to immediately stop making ET's head stretch. This is important. If you miss it, he'll fall right back in and you have to start the floating process all over. Don't worry, practice and timing can make you a master of exiting a pit, and then you'll only fall back into the same one seven or eight times. Of course, that just means seven or eight more times the FUN!

Atari manufactured five million E.T. cartridges, and according to Atari's CEO, "nearly all of them came back." It got to a point where the world's children refused to take them for free. To put that into perspective, I've seen kids buy dead spiders from each other for a nickle. Calling this game a piece of trash is actually scientifically accurate because Atari eventually took their massive collection of useless E.T. cartridges and buried it in a New Mexico landfill. So if you ever lose your mind and want a copy of E.T., or maybe five million, grab a shovel and drive out to the desert. They're free.

-source: seanbaby.com

Prelude's rating: 

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2. Club Drive - Atari Jaguar

Club Drive has all types of gameplay, but most of missions have you driving an RC car around a badly-rendered living room to collect glowing balls of string. What makes this unique from other string-collecting driving games is that the game doesn't care if you decide to drive directly through chair legs or walls. Not that the game cares if you hurry, but this can save you time. The only problem I found was that walls sometimes decided to behave like walls, and most of my games ended with my car driving through one side of the couch and somehow becoming trapped inside it for all eternity.

Gameplay Video: 

Running into things, when the game notices that you have, shows off Club Drive's most unique failure: physics. For example, if you nose dive a remote control car into the ground from the top of a table, you might expect it to break or at least bounce or something. Not in this game. Club Drive has invented its own bizarre set of rules where a high impact causes your car to levitate into the air, fly around for a little bit, flip over onto its wheels and gently float back down to the floor. It's hard to say whether it's a glimpse into the future of driving or just someone being an idiot.

-source: seanbaby.com

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3. Fight For Life - Atari Jaguar

"Fight for Life" is the story of eight dead people fighting in the "Spectre Zone," where the winner gets to face the son of the devil for a chance to come back to life. And judging by how well they fight, they're hoping to rise from the dead, so they can get back to their old jobs as Special Olympics equipment managers. And due to what I'm assuming was some kind of error, nobody told the guy in charge of making the backgrounds that the game was set in hell. The fighters will go from tropical jungles to Manhattan to Arizona.

Gameplay video: 

Most of your time in Fight for Life is spent waiting for your dead karate man to hobble across the screen to get close enough to throw a clumsy punch at the other dead karate man. The game is so slow it looks like the fighters glued their feet to the floor before the tournament, and have been dead long enough for rigor mortis to set in. The camera has its problems too. If the fighters ever manage to cross paths, it frantically flies around trying to keep your character on the left side of the screen. And when I say frantically, I mean over the course of 2 to 3 minutes. That means that when you finally manage to waddle over to your opponent and they decide to jump over your head, you get to take a nap and wait for the camera to finish before you can start the long walk over to where they landed. It's like watching two legless sleepwalkers play tag.

-source: seanbaby.com

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4. Captain Novolin - Super famicom and SNES

First off, this is a game about diabetes. And from the looks of it, it was put together not to educate children about diabetes, but to blatantly taunt their disease. It's the story of aliens coming to Earth and taking the form of sugary diabetes-promoting snacks who can only be stopped by Captain Novolin, a diabetic hero. And of course, you'd probably have been a lot happier if you'd never known that.

Gameplay Video: 

Since diabetic scientists haven't developed a raygun capable of defeating snacks, Captain Novalin only has one ability-- hopping. And since the control is so bad, he usually can't even do that right. Your main enemy is a bouncing donut, but unlike other games where enemies follow avoidable patterns, the donut is a crafty unpredictable genius. At random times while you're using your only move, jumping over him, he'll immediately change direction and slam into you with his deadly donut flesh. That means that even on the rare occasion when Captain Novolin jumps when you tell him to, it's completely up to fate whether or not you're safe from donut attacks. I can't stress enough how much this will piss you off.

Bonus Game: In between the two repeating levels of Captain Novolin, Speedboat Level and Non-Speedboat Level, there's a fun game where you have to inject yourself with the right amount of insulin. To do so, you have to select from several colors on your needle to match the color of your blood sugar. Don't worry, though. Getting it wrong doesn't have any consequence other than a funny noise and forcing the crushing acknowledgement that you can't even match two damn colors together in a moronic game based on a disease.

Since most staying-alive tips come at the end of imposible levels, you would have to be a national video game olympic team member to get a significant amount of medical information from the game. It's not going to save any doctors or parents any time. For this game to have had any use whatsoever, there would have to be at least one pediatrician who left the education of a potentially deadly affliction up to an unplayable video game.

-source: seanbaby.com

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5. Virtuoso - 3DO

Virtuoso is the story of the greatest Rock & Roll Mega Star in the 21st century who can't take the rock and roll lifestyle. So when he's alone and away from his rocking duties, he flees superstardom and escapes into the virual world of Virtuoso.

The game itself is a 3D shooter with a camera located directly behind your guy. That means that anything you could possibly want to shoot is hidden from site by your own rocker's greasy mop head. Like in all games that were made only to torture you, all the enemies (you manage to catch a glimpse of) are the same one creature repeated throughout the whole game. They sometimes try to trick you by slightly changing the spiders to look like crabs, or the bats to look like terrifying half-bat/half-seagulls. However, you'll draw the line when you fight your way through 300 spiders just to get to the level boss who ends up being the same spider graphic as all the others, blown up to eight times its size. And... when you kill it... it explodes into smaller spiders. Is the 3D0 trying to piss me off?

- source: seanbaby.com

 5   5.8  

6. Zelda: The Wand of Gamelon - Philips CD-i

In Zelda: Wand of Gamelon, you play the princess. And as you know from better games, princesses are helpless little girls pining for prince wang in castles with bad security just waiting to get captured. Why would anyone want to play the part of that? It doesn't take a sociologist to know that they would be gay. Let's not fool ourselves-- they'd have to be super super gay. Now do the math on this: experts estimate that about 10% of the world is homosexual, and if you consider that only 5 people actually wanted a CDI machine, that means that this game was made specifically for a target audience of one half a person. I hope that half a person is happy, because this game probably got a few video game salesmen killed.

Remixed video: 

The gameplay is almost as deep and engaging as flipping from one option to the next on a DVD menu. Say for instance one person was playing Zelda: Wand of Gamelon, and another person was telling Terminator 2 to be played in French, then English, then French again, they'd both be having the same amount of fun. However, once the second person actually started watching Terminator 2 in French, they'd be having approximately 927,087 times more fun.

The CDI system was marketed as an educational device, and in many ways it was. If nothing else it taught you Lesson Number One: Don't spend $500 on worthless garbage.

- source: seanbaby.com

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7. Superman - Nintendo 64

The game starts with Superman trapped in Lex Luthor's virtual world. And you can tell Lex Luthor made it because only a genius super villain could make a world so expertly horrible and boring. This game might as well be called Puppy Dog Obedience School, because Superman doesn't get to do anything heroic. You spend almost the entire game performing whatever demeaning tricks that Lex Luthor demands. It's the classic villain plot "Make Superman fly through 75 hula hoops in one minute or die!" followed by the evil plan "Make Superman fly through 75 MORE hula hoops in one minute or again... die!" SPOILER ALERT! Level 2 is "Retrieving Lex's Slippers".

Game review: 

Superman looks a lot like a flying log in panties, and the entire world is covered in a dull green fog. The game calls this "Kryptonite fog," but it looks suspiciously like something they put there so they didn't have to draw more than a couple buildings.

This game exactly recreates the pain you'd feel if you really were Superman being tortured in a virtual world filled with radioactive poisonous gas.

- source: seanbaby.com

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8. White Men Can't Jump - Atari Jaguar

Movies never quite translate into games correctly. White Men Can't Jump, the movie, was the definative film about high stakes street basketball gambling, and for the video game version of it, I was looking forward to fighting my way through the kingdom of the swamp people with a fire-basketball-throwing atomic Wesley Snipes. That's why it was so shocking that it's actually made the game about basketball. A game about basketball so bad that some electricity might refuse to power it.

It's two on two basketball, which is is four players more than the programmers were ready to handle, and the camera has to constantly zoom in and out to keep all the players on the screen. I've found the game looks best if you zoom all the way out to somebody else's house where no one was stupid enough to buy an Atari Jaguar.

Gameplay video: 

Thanks to the sloppy graphics and insane camera work, the hoop usually looks like a distant clump of Grape Nuts, so you can never tell whether you made a basket or not. The programmers seemed to know this, so to help you determine whether the ball went in, hardcore street basketball phrases appear at the top of the screen whenever you shoot. Unfortunately, the game developers must have hired 40 year old golfers at a French country club to write their hardcore street slang. When you throw up a shot, it screams nonsense like "BANGIN' UP HIGH THE HANDLE HOMEY BEEF!" Maybe that means that I made the shot or maybe it means "There is a tornado approaching the court, my friends. We should escape and your mother is a whore." I'll never know; the manual doesn't have a translation guide. So if like me, you don't come from whatever hip-hoppin' tough street that speaks this alien language, you have to try to decode "DOWN STREET ON THE FLIPFLOP TIMEPANTS!" on your own.

- source: seanbaby.com

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9. Custer's Revenge - Atari 2600

Atari 2600 owners had games about blowing up tanks, brushing their teeth, and Kool-Aid. It forces a person to demand, where were the games about General Custer rising from the dead to sexually assault Indian women? The company Mystique heard the public's demands and answered them with Custer's Revenge. In it, you lead Custer through a hail of arrows to hump a girl tied to a cactus on the other side of the screen. That's it. That's the whole game.

With the stone-age graphics of the 2600, there really was no point in trying to make erotic games. Custer's Revenge looks less like sex and more like a couple slow dancing at a social for birth defected sea horses.

Gameplay video: 

Even if you were turned on by a woman who looks like she was made out of cardboard boxes, she's still tied to a cactus. Two things that don't mix with adult entertainment are cactuses and rubbing your balls on cactuses. If Custer's Revenge assisted anyone in masturbation, they not only should be arrested for being a pervert lunatic, someone should tell them that it would be just as good if they were jerking off in front of Chopper Command.

- source: seanbaby.com

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10. Revolution X - Super famicom and SNES

This game is biblically horrific. You're overthrowing an oppressive world order. With Aerosmith. And music is your weapon. That scream of terror you just heard was probably you.

Using your weapon, music, you'll fight a massive army of soldiers sent by the government to keep you from rocking. And since the artists were lazy, the army is made up entirely of a man in a yellow jacket and his several thousand identical twins. Also due to laziness, they're only animated to fire their guns and die. That means that while you're blowing chunks out of them, they seem have no idea. They don't even flinch.

The game has unlimited continues from the exact point you die, and it's still the most challenging game in the world. Continuing in this game is like electing to keep your hand on the stove. Maybe you're numb to the pain by now, but you're still pretty sure you're doing permanent damage.

You'll be in some rooms shooting a steady stream of unflinching identical men for ten minutes while the same four seconds of an Aerosmith song loop infinitely. "Feed the Rage! Feed the Rage! Feed the Rage!" That's not a game. That's a Nazi psychological test to see how much it takes for a prisoner's head to pop.